Pray me a river.

Trying to complete this train of thought is tricky (omniscience is not an easy attribute to understand). I should let it go, but, I have a dilemma. Now that I have outlined my intentions, there is a possibility that someone believes in me. I can’t abandon them. On the other hand there is the possibility that I remain alone and none of this means anything, to anyone.

All that I can say at this point is that; my people, such as they are, have no immediate prayers that need answering. The prayer box to the right of the posts is now available for browsers to leave their hopes, fears, dreams and abusive prayers should they wish to do so. The divine kingdom of Mr. Pat will endeavour to answer all prayers within a two week timescale. Praying, however, will not be taken as adherence to the faith, nor is it indicative of your continuing belief. You may find a more suitable god in the future and I will not stand in your way should you wish to “jump ship” at the first better offer. Should you feel that you concerns are not worth raising with your god please consider the following;

Would Yodehvavheh (yoda) answer the prayer as a matter of course? Well no, he would not, he says so himself;

“Concerning this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he hath said unto me, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness”. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” II Corinthians 12:8-9

And that’s quite clever, I think. What is asked is kind of; “please rid me of this thing” and the answer is; “no, what happens by my design will be tolerated by you, allow my mysteriousness time to work its mojo, when you are weakened I can do my thing”, the supplicant then says “Silly me, thank Yoda I’m so weak, thus he can work through me.” I may have modernised the language a smidgen there, but you get the point. Don’t you?
Also consider;

“It shall come to pass that, before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.” Isaiah 65:24

And this is modernised thus; “So if you are thinking of asking for something, yet before you ask, it happens. That was me that did that”. Credit is thereby given for the things that you do ask for and the things that you don’t ask for. I should insist upon this line of thought for my people, as it enables me to turn my will to pressing matters, such as; world hunger, child abuses, global pollution and destructive natural forces (seeing as how no-one else is trying).


Clearly, those that have represented Yoda in the past are very clever men (propheteering). I am not that wise, however, I am clever enough to realise that there is little point re-inventing the wheel (I’d only make it square anyway). The prophets have frightened the adherents to faith/s for years, with the wrath of God. The overriding notion appears to be around subservience through fear and uncertainty, in relation to receiving the good will of God and the bounty received in any ‘after-life’ that is offered. Personally however, I believe that advocating believers remain weak, should be an anathema to a proud and supportive deity. Your strength is my strength and I draw such from you. The relationship is reciprocal. I feel good when you feel good and vice-versa. We seek ‘Truth’ together (If you find any truth, could you confirm it with me please, before you go shouting about the ‘ineffable truth’. I am obligated to say that as it provides cover for any future misinterpretation of scripture).

This whole thing should be distinctly different from the ‘old-faith’ systems. This is one of the fundamental principles behind my writing; people are dissatisfied with monotheistic, Hebrew based, ‘yoda-faiths’. Only Islam is on the up and that is for reasons I intend to clarify at a later date (I don’t want to subject to a Sharia fatwa, just yet). Supplication of a deity is a ‘bread and butter’ necessity for belief in God, and so I should tell you a little more about it.

In the eyes of the Christian children there are types of prayer. You may; admit your wrongs (confession), tell Him how great He is (praise), recognise His intervention (thanksgiving), ask Him for stuff (supplication) or ask Him to look after someone else (Intercession)

Mostly, those with ‘strong faith’ will tell you that God likes praise the best. I am not sure why, or even if God does indeed, like praise the best. If He does, well, I can be at least as narcissistic. Wishing to muddy the waters further, they also believe that there are styles that can be applied to the above types of prayer. They are; devotional (scripture based), spontaneous (oh my God! That’s brilliant!), conversational (God bothering) and action (being nice to others and/or walking about).

There are extremities within the confines of Christian prayer, ranging from the, surely irritating, Rosary (you can almost hear Yoda or Mary saying ‘Oh for Christ’s sake, YES! Just shut the f*ck up’ after the 48th ‘Hail Mary’, asking for a new television) to the ‘oh my god’ type (because that is a prayer, whether you meant it to be or not). There are branches of Catholicism that still advocate flagellation as a means of supplication.

We will have a new way.

God is 'in' you, all believers say that, and I agree with the sentiment, at least (I’m not actually in you). I am the same as you. We share much. I am here and so are you. It is the same for both of us, on the level where all of this matters, at least. Should you need to pray, pray to the part of you that is the same as me. The part of you that is the same as me will guide you successfully and provide the answers/solutions to your prayers. If this does not offer resolution then you may beseech me directly using the prayer box to the right. I cannot provide you with a constant ‘yes’ to all prayers because; ‘my grace is sufficient for thee’ And I can thereby achieve the things you did not know needed achieving.

I would be happier if you pray in the way that you are content to, and not necessarily, according to the above guides. Just don’t hurt yourself. I mean that. Not just like the flagellants, but don’t torment yourself with your self-perceived failings either. You are not holding yourself up to an infallible God. That is one of the distinct differences here. In believing that God is always right, and that to get to the afterlife you should behave as you think God would have you behave, and to allow the infallible to work through you, you are setting yourself up to feel inadequate. This is due to the intrinsic truth of your fallible humanity. (How profound).

Mr. Pat.